1 month.for a person who lives 70 years, 1 month is jus 1/840=0.00190 (3s.f.) of his entire life.
yet sometimes tat 0.00190 period of our life can hav such huge impact on our lives.
july, or rather from mid-june to 31st july has been a rly special 1 and a half month for me.it's like an emotional roller coaster ride, with more up and downs, 360 degree turns and stuff. termination of scholarship, ct2, receiving results of ct2, scholarship fair, careers talk, university talk,all subjects going into revision, realising how far back i am, every subject going into revisions, and thr were also investiture and farewell.
tmr will be the 1st day of august,and 24 days before prelims officially starts, the fear of the A levels in me is growing faster each day, dy/dx greater than tat of y=x^(infinity).
this is the nth time i'm blogging abt how stressed and frustrated i am abt myself and my results, i know.
bt i rly cant help it, arghhhhh
i nid motivation to study, a very high one, like how i was in primary school, when finishing all the homework of the day before school ends was the most shiok thing to do, even if tat means i'll hav to hide my exercise books and hands in the drawer to not be discovered during lessons.things were simple then, simple dreams, simple lifestyle.
still rmb tat when i was in primary school, the form teacher will ask every student their ambitions and hobbies. my hobbies were consistently reading story books, watching tv and riding bicycle throughout my 4 yrs in primary school, while i had a lot of different ambitions back then, from doctor to lawyer,teacher,detective,scientist,owner of a big company haha.
and thr'll be these period of time every year when i'll be rly excited abt seeing my name on the newspaper after i've won sth, be it maths comp or receiving the RM50 scholarship from the 潮州会馆. RM50 was such a huge amt for me then haha, when i was still spending less than RM1 per day. 1 plate of fried mee and 1 cup of barley only cost like 60 cents? and i'll use the remaining 40 cents to buy erasers or small toys to play. erasers were like our chips then, and our toys at the same time. we'll play this game which aim was to make ur eraser be on top of others' and the last eraser standing will be the winner and get all the erasers haha. so sometimes i'll go home with a bag full of erasers and sometimes without any.
everytime i see the cabinet filled with trophies in my house, i'll start to wonder wat has happened te. havent rly won anything much after i graduated from primary school. hey i was once the best in maths among students of my age in muar, although it took me 2 years to bring the girl from presbyterian primary school down from 1st place haha. and i can still rmb the smile on the principal's face when he so proudly announced the very first golden trophy my primary school has ever won, if i rmb correctly. and i met him in june when i went bak and he still recognizes me!
shall save this for the nxt time. 10.37pm now. complex 3 tutorial, gp 2005 compre to go. holy ****

Investiture and farewell were .. i duno how to describe, my vocab sux. bt yes i'm rly impressed by the 25th's work. they really put in a lot a lot of effort. yes it was better than ours bt last year this time, we were exhausted because of reunion, so we r still good haha. ok now i think the 25ths rly hav the potential to be as good as us or maybe better! i duno, ultimately it still lies with them.
i duno how did i manage to hold back the tears last night, and i've rly been thinking a lot for the past few days. reminiscing the times we had since b2b 07. thank you odac. thank you so much, i'm rly grateful. odac rly has changed me a lot a lot, totally beyond wat i've expected.
thank you 24ths, each and everyone of u, for everything. rly. love you guys. and this will definitely not be the end, it's jus the beginning!
ok it's rly time to study now. i look at my files and the stuff tat i've to study rly make a great pile, higher than everest. i'll try.. bt i guess prelims is a gone case now. a levels. i'll get my As when it rly matters.

其实，一直都很想把生活里发生的一些事用故事的方法写出来。
最近真的很多灵感，但课业上的压力真的让我想都不敢想...
而且我现在的华文程度也够破了，写出来应该真的是让人见笑吧...

a continuation to ytd's post haha.

yet i've never regretted coming to vj. in fact i'm more than happy to be here and i rly believe i've made the right choice.
i guess i'm still lucky to be able to stay in vj after jae.
and i'm so glad i've met so many imba frens in vj, of course most of them would be from odac, s47 and pa.
and i think wat mr seet told me was rly right, thr r somethings money cant buy, although mine came wif a big big cost.
i think i've been thinking too much for my whole life, if only i spent those time on my studies.
LOL.

went to the scholarship fair.felt totally out of place,extra,weird. duno wat was i doing thr. felt so inferior seeing those rafflesians and vj highflyers around :\
couldnt help but..rly wonder wat could have happened if i had chosen to work hard or even gone to rj. maybe i'll be eyeing those top us/uk universities now instead of being so lost and hopeless..
argh..think it's rly costly to lose my scholarship, it's nt jus money...it's gonna affect me when i apply for uni and stuff..i cant even afford to hope for any uni scholarship now..it rly hurts when i look at my grades..
i know it's too late and meaningless to think about all this now.but the fact tat i'm struggling with everything now rly bothers me a lot..i do believe i hav the abilities to do well.bt i can only blame myself for being so complacent. think it's rly too late. 3 months plus to a levels. i seriously dun think i'm gonna make it.
feel so damn lousy.screwed up.
damn...

hopelessness..

Hmm.nth much to blog abt recently.
met wif the jar jar binks brothers a few weeks ago for an imba buffet. super nice.
watched red cliff wif chua,lam and johnson. very nice.looking forward to part 2.
hav been studying bit by bit everyday, not efficient yet bt i'm trying. 5 weeks+ to prelims. hope i can still make it.
nth much to look forward to after school nowadays. kinda suck. life's becoming boring. argh!
i wan ptS..i nid to run. and i dun wan to run alone..
invest's nxt week.. hmm have been looking through all the photos for the past few weeks. time doesnt jus fly, it probably travels zillion times faster than light, unaffected by any external factor.